Pregnancy is an exciting time, especially for a first-time mother. Our culture sells us an image of a happy mother with her new bundle of joy, time of the cutest baby things and sweetest cuddles and smiles. And this is where we create a trap for new parents, creating this fantasy, expectations that are far from reality.
Reality is somewhat different. It’s sleepless nights, little to none self-care for a mother (even a father), new responsibilities and worries about the baby. The life that new parents had up to the point of birth is gone and never will be. Then there is a complete drop in feel-good hormones that a woman swam in during her pregnancy. As soon as the baby is born, those hormones drop to zero, leaving a new mother in a vulnerable and confusing state. But who is talking about it? Certainly not the social media or the retailers who want to sell as many baby products as possible. Not even the health industry that has only recently started screening for postnatal anxiety and depression.
I’m not saying it’s all doom and gloom. What I’m trying to do is burst the bubble of unrealistic expectations.
We always start with managing expectations when an expectant or new mother comes to me for support. Realizing the seriousness of the new transition, a women is more likely to be prepared for it, and as such be able to adjust. A woman will seek more support, which is absolutely crucial postpartum. Ideally, we want to make sure she is not on her own for the first few months, that there is someone to bring her food, take care of her, so she could rest and re-cover as much as possible and transition to a new role as a mother.
We want to focus on keeping up self-care of a mother. In the end, she can only care for her new born as much as she’s doing well herself.
Only then can she begin to see what a fulfilling and wonderful experience it is to be a mother. There is a reason we have a saying that it takes a village to raise a family, because it is true. We need all the support we can get, and not to forget that a new mother needs just as much care and love as her new born.